


I'll Drown My Sorrows

by BBK



Series: I'll Drown My Sorrows [1]
Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Cheating Derek, Drowning, M/M, Stiles is Pushed Out of the Pack, Suicide, Underage Drinking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-12
Updated: 2015-08-12
Packaged: 2018-04-14 09:06:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,046
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4558839
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BBK/pseuds/BBK
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Stiles still feels the darkness from the nogitsune, feels the pain he caused, all the deaths. </p><p>The pack, including Derek, isn't there to help him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I'll Drown My Sorrows

A mass amount of dark clouds flooded the sky. The wind was picking up rapidly, throwing it's bitter wind all over the place, having no mercy for those in need. Stiles's small square window was wide open, allowing the cold breeze to drift into his room. Not that Stiles could feel it, his body was warm from the 6 shots of whiskey he downed, not bothering to read the warning label. His body was sprawled out on his bed, with a whiskey bottle in one hand and a shot glass in the other. Stiles attempted to drown his sorrows in the alcohol but absolutely  _NOTHING_ _  
_

was working. No matter how much alcohol he consumed, he still couldn't drown the feeling of darkness away. The day's memories kept replaying in his head.

 

_\- memory 1-_

_"Hey scotty, are we still having the pack meeting later on tonight?"  Stiles questioned._

_Stiles did not expect for Scott to GLARE at him, while also completely ignoring him._

_"You're not invited."  Was all that Scott managed to say, before stomping away angry._

_-end-_

 

Stiles always had a gut feeling that, after the nogitsune, nothing was the same. The pack started to ignore him, his messages, his existence. On days were he felt exceptionally lonely, he'd go to Derek, his mate, for comfort. Derek never gave him the claiming bite, he always said that they should wait until marriage. Stiles never questioned his thoughts, just tried to go with the flow.

Eventually, Derek wasn't much help either. After awhile Derek pushed Stiles away, always causing fights, always flirting with other people, and always, always, always, suggesting that he's cheating. Stiles tried to ignore the smell of other men or women on Derek. But it was pretty hard to do such a thing after he showed up to Stiles's house with lipstick on his neck.

Why did he show up to Stiles's house in the middle of the night exactly? To start a fight, of course.

Even after the lipstick, Stiles STILL tried to ignore the evidence that kept piling up until one day he couldn't ignore it.

_-memory-_

_Stiles pulled up in Derek's dirt driveway, got out his jeep, and walked inside._

_"Deeeeerrrrreeeekkkk!" He called but received no answer._

_He dropped his backpack on the floor, pulled out his phone and searched the internet as he made his way up the creaky, wooden steps._

_Once he reached the last step he started to hear suggestive noises. He softly shut his phone off and put it in his back pocket before tip toeing to Derek's room._

_His door was slightly ajar and Stiles took this opportunity to peek inside._

_He gasped at what he saw before his very eyes. Derek, his mate, was pounding mercilessly into a woman._

_He could hear Derek's grunts, the woman's moans, just like he could see the scratch marks on Derek's back from the woman's nails._

_He watched as the scene unfolded in front of him, before deciding to make himself known. He swung the door open, and stood there watching the reaction of the two in bed. The woman with her long brunette hair, light freckles and piercing grey eyes gasped at the sight of Stiles while Derek sat there emotionless._

_"You couldn't have broken up with me first?" Stiles questioned, fiddling with his trembling fingers. When he received no response he spun around and stalked down the stairs. He picked up his bag, swung open the front door and slammed it shut._

_He threw his stuff in his jeep and pulled out Derek's driveway and made his way home._

_Throughout this whole scene, he had only one thing in mind._

_'Whiskey'_

_-end-_

This leaves him in his current state, sprawled out on the bed with whiskey in hand. He took a swig and then a couple more right after. He was bitter, he tasted the  bitterness of his rage on his tongue. He lay there, motionless, soaking in the days events. 

Everyone thought Stiles was stupid, Stiles wasn't stupid. He was more intelligent then any of them combined! 

He was also one hell of an observer. 

Rage, despair, and agony was all that he felt at the moment and quite frankly he didn't give a damn. 

Stiles abruptly stood up bottle of whiskey in hand before stomping towards his dads bathroom. He flung open the medicine cabinet and grabbed as many pill bottles as possible. He sat his whiskey down on the toilet seat before opening each and every bottle. He took two pills from each bottle, dropping the rest on the floor and put the pills in his mouth.

He immediately reached for the whiskey and chugged a quarter of the bottle down. He stalked out the bathroom and walked back to his room. He grabbed a notepad and pen.

Scribbling down his final words, he snatched his keys off the desk and left his room. Not leaving his whiskey behind, might I add. 

He stumbled down the stairs, tripping over his feet on the last step. Luckily, the whiskey bottle got caught on the railing and stopped him from slamming his head on the counter. He foolishly smiled at the bottle before pecking it. He staggered out the house, making his way to his jeep. He swung open the car door, got in and slammed it shut behind him. 

Once he was fully situated in his jeep, he leaned forward, struggling to put his key in the ignition. After two minutes he eventually got it in and twisted the key. In response to that action his jeep purred to life. 

Stiles weakly smiled and pulled out his driveway, knowing exactly where he was heading. The car ride to his designated location was the hardest thing he had to endure. He was no longer bitter, but instead depressed with all the events that's happened leading up to this day. 

His mothers death, the nogitsune, Allison's death, Derek cheating, he could go on forever but didn't have time.

When he felt his eyes droop he sprung them open, not willing to die in a crash. 

After 3 minutes, the woods appeared out of the dark and Stiles huffed.

'These were the woods Scott got bit. Son of a bitch' He venomously thought. 

Stiles roughly opened his car door, grabbed the whiskey, and left to the woods. He didn't bother closing the door or, hell, even grabbing the keys because he knew he wasn't going to make it out of this one alive. 

The walk was three minutes to the lake but he wasn't wasting time walking so he broke out into a sprint. 

Along the way, branches cut into his shirt, tearing skin causing him to bleed. That didn't matter though, not now anyway.

When his lungs started to feel heavy he caught sight of the blue, murky, cold water. The cold atmosphere showed no sympathy and gave Stiles no oxygen when he stopped for air. 

Stumbling towards the water, he tripped and began to crawl. 

When he was only a couple of inches away from the water, he collapsed on the moist grass and took in his surroundings. 

His nose, hands, feet, and tips of his ears were numb and most likely red. The cold breeze was hollowing in the night, while the leaves lay next to him. 

He gazed up towards to beautiful full moon and lightly grinned when he saw his mothers face imprinted in the stars. 

Next to her image, was Allison with a bright smile plastered on her face showing no sense of sadness or death. 

Stiles was almost starting to believe it wasn't his fault.

Almost.

He turned away from the sky, plopping himself on his stomach. Hymning to himself the song his mother always use to sing to him. His lullaby.

He took his pointer finger and gently grazed the top of the water. Stiles regretted it soon after.

The water was freezing, so cold it almost felt like a burn. 

Taking in a deep breath, Stiles gazed longingly at the water. He wanted to know what it was like to be free, what it was like for your soul to be able to live without being tainted with guilt. 

Stiles knew how deep this water was. 

Deep enough to swim.

Deep enough to lose things forever.

And deep enough to drown.

His eyes once again started to droop, the warmth from the whiskey fulling leaving his body.

While the warmth left, the cold came. Everything cold: The weather, emotions, thoughts.

Once the warmth left him he knew it was time to go. Time to leave this world behind him and be someplace new. 

Standing up, he turned so his back faced the mucky water, and his stomach faced the beautiful flowers.

He was almost tempted to leave the lake and pick some flowers for himself.

 

"But ugly people don't deserve pretty things." He hissed before falling backwards. 

The impact from his body hitting the water caused water to splash around him blinding his sight.

 

He was only able to see again when he was fully submerged in the water. 

The bitter water nipped at every square inch of his body, but he could take it. He needed to feel normal again, like there wasn't somebody else still in his  body and this was the only solution. 

Once his body started to sink, time seemed to decelerate. He watched as tiny air bubbles left his nostrils floating upwards towards civilization. 

With every passing second, the burning sensation in his lungs intensified, he knew, soon enough, he'd gasp for air... and there would be none.

Slowly, the dull pain behind his head grew, from a soft thud to an alarming pound. 

He closed his eyes for two seconds before opening them, instead of pain happiness took over him.

There, before his very eyes, stood his mother and Allison. 

They both were grinning down at him but for some reason Stiles sensed sadness.

Allison's image opened her mouth and started to speak, but Stiles couldn't hear anything. The only thing he did register was his mom caressing his arm lovingly.

His heart started to ache, his mouth quivered, and he closed his eyes.

When he did, his mothers touches were gone, making him gently open his eyes.

His back softly hit the muddy bottom right when he gasped for air. 

Just like he predicted, there was none. Only water greeted his lungs, filling them up rapidly.

His lungs weren't burning anymore, oh no, they were on  _fire_.

His body squirmed repeatedly, making his mouth open again and again just so more water could fill his body.

Finally, the burning sensation stopped, the blood pounding calmed down, and his body relaxed.

He gazed at the moon's rays casting shadows in the water. The blood from his cuts slowly drifted from his body making all sorts of shapes and patterns.

Stiles closed his eyes for the last time, hearing a familiar voice whisper in his ear.

"I'll see you soon Stiles."

Allison.

Then it all went black.

 

 

Later that night Scott got a call from a screaming Sheriff. 

The pack, including Derek, gathered at Stiles's house. The sheriff only gave them one hint as to what was going on.

Stiles's note.

 

"Sorry dad I took your whiskey, I needed it at the moment.

Sorry Scott for hurting Allison. It was all my fault.

Sorry Malia for not admitting you were a hale, I should have.

Sorry Kira  for hurting Scott, I shouldn't have.

Sorry Liam for calling you a child, you're a teen.

Sorry Lydia for not being smart or good enough, you were always the best.

Sorry Mason for not being able to give you tips, i'm dead the moment. Search my room for any thing useful.

Sorry Derek for not being a good mate, I know you needed a good fucking and love I couldn't provide.

Sorry for being weak.

Sorry for being human.

Sorry for being forced to do things I couldn't stop by an evil spirit.

Sorry, I held Derek up in a pool for hours so he wouldn't drown.

Sorry for sticking with Scott after he got bit and stayed by his side.

Sorry for bringing out the true Lydia.

Sorry I'm not alive.

 But then again...

I'm not. "

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! I hope you enjoyed my work! :) As usual, reviews are appreciated! :)
> 
> When I wrote this I was jamming out to: Skylar grey- Words


End file.
